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The DesertLight Journal
Volume 2, Number 7
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April 3, 2002
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The bi-weekly e-zine of the International Men's Rights Movement. This is the first e-zine intended to focus primarily on the issues of domestic violence against men and divorce/child custody issues. We welcome news of groups, websites, and people in the men's rights movement worldwide. We encourage new writers and commentary.
For all the news all the time, visit our buds
http://www.mensactivism.org in the US
http://www.angryharry.com in the UK
or Men's News Daily http://www.mensnewsdaily.com anywhere.
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"A woman needs a man like a fish needs the river."
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IN THIS ISSUE:
·
CYBERMANBOOKS SPRING CATALOG
·THE VOLKSGAREN PROJECT
·LETTERS TO MY SON
·NEW GUEST EDITORIAL
·NEW HEART-MAN CHRONICLES
·COMMENTARY FROM ALAN CARR
·FROM SHAME TO BURSTING WITH PRIDE IN 7 YEARS
·DEAR ABBY ENDORSES SAFE
Be sure to check out the newly-updated and redecorated cyberManbooks website. New authors have been added! In addition to the groundbreaking works of Trudy W. Schuett and Bernard Chapin, we now feature lyrical short stories by Indian author Hareendran Kalinkeel, and drum roll, please! "Hey, It's a Guy thing!" and "Dream Visions," both by David Bates. These man-friendly works are available only at http://www.cybermanbooks.com
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THE VOLKSGAREN PROJECT
The 3 C's of Recovery after another's bad behaviour
Many have created three-C lists for various purposes. The original list from AA & Al-Anon reads:
We did not cause it.
We cannot cure it.
We cannot control it.
"It," refers to alcoholism and applies to any substance abuse problem. The 3 C's are: Cause, Cure and Control.
To reduce stress, some psychologists created a 3-C list; it is:
We see change as a challenge.
We see commitment as our way of life.
We see control of our life as our hope.
The 3 C's are: Challenge, Commitment and Control.
Experts in sales and business also have a 3-C's list which is:
We will collaborate with our peers.
We will clearly communicate to all.
We will create that which our clients most want.
The 3 C's are: Collaborate, Communicate and Create.
Looking at these three 3-C lists shows us much about the path to health and happiness. We have our bad habits which we once needed to live life with the bad behaviour of the abuser. Now, in shedding these bad habits, we look at the things which worked for other people. We didn't cause the other's bad behaviour. We could not and cannot cure the other of their bad behaviour. Controlling the other would make us like them and that we will not do. Our challenge is recovery from our own bad habits. Our commitment is to live life to the fullest. We could not control the other, but we can and must control ourselves. In coming together with others who have lived with another's bad behaviour we collaborate with the goal being our own wonderful life. We communicate at all times our own zest for life. We create a life free of the abuse which once festered beneath our very soul. For recovery after being afflicted by another's bad behaviour we use the triple-3C list:
We did not cause the abuse :: We cannot cure the abuser :: We dare not control the abuser.
We challenge ourselves to recovery :: We commit to living life to the fullest :: We control our own life.
We collaborate with others in recovery :: We communicate our love of life :: We create the life the abuser would steal from us.
Simplifying the triple-3 list we create: The abuser is not my problem: I am my own problem.
This statement is the heart, the very soul, of cognitive and reality therapy. We deal with our own stuff and let the others deal with theirs.
This article is appearing simultaneously in cooperation with the hard-copy Volksgaren Journal.
Greg Sherk, Director
The Volksgaren Project: Intelligent Abuse Recovery for All.
Suite 143, 24 First Ave., St. Thomas, ON, Canada, N5R 6H8
T: 519-773-9644 F: 519-637-1210
URL: http://clix.to/support/
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LETTERS TO MY SON
This new monthly section of the DLJ is a moving account of the tragedy of divorce, as a father loses his adult son forever.
"Two years ago, after a five-minute hearing, I was forbidden by the State of Colorado to have contact with my son of any kind for the remainder of my life. For twenty-one years, my presence was critical to him, and sometimes did save his life. I am a psychiatrist. If I called him, I would go to prison. If I sent him a birthday card, I would go to prison. If someone who was a friend of my son's, but also a friend of mine, attempted to contact him, he risked being charged as an accessory to conspiracy. My son is also legally prohibited from contacting me"
David E. Reiser
British Columbia, Canada
The column appears at
http://www.desertlighjournal.homestead.com/ltsintro.html
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NEW GUEST EDITORIAL
From Bud Johnson of AFTER<2001: "One Battle at a Time."
http://www.desertlightjournal.homestead.com/guest.html
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NEW HEART-MAN CHRONICLES
A Georgia man faces the realities of being falsely accused of domestic violence.
"My Story," by Steve Cloer is at
http://www.desertlightjournal.homestead.com/chronicles.html
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COMMENTARY FROM ALAN CARR
Letter to a webmaster
Hello, my Name is Alan Carr, I serve as the Chairman of an international
campaign group and a member passed me a link to a site designed and hosted
by yourselves.
As well as a fine page lay-out and speedy loading (you DO do hosting?) I was
also very impressed with the humour and irony of the article written.
http://fruitiondesign.com/dealwithit/article1.php3
It dealt with the idea that a man should be considered guilty of rape simply
by allegation, I read through the whole thing believing this loony was
serious until I spotted the bit about 95% of rape victims being female,
then, considering the facts actually suggest the majority of forcible rape
victims are male prison inmates, I knew she was just pulling our legs! Very
well written though, only the fact there actually are some dysfunctional
male-hating lesbian feminists out there with such views stopped it being
utterly hilarious.
Anyway, the site I have in mind is that of the campaign group, the
International Men's Network, or IMN for short.
We work towards a society free of gender prejudice, think of feminism then
remove the male-hating despotism and falsified "facts" and "statistics" that
these fund-hungry liars spew out like agricultural fertilizer. We simply
push for the truth to be known.
For example if that repulsive spoof rape article were for real we would
indeed point out the prevalence of male rape victims, not to mention their
reluctance to come forward (how many raped women say "I can't tell anyone, I
wouldn't feel like a woman?") we would point out that retrospective DNA
testing is showing an average of 30% of CONVICTED let alone accused men to
be utterly innocent, that military studies that are not restricted by
conventional court room methods have found up to 60% of rape accusers
withdrawing the accusation, faced with or having just failed a lie detector
test.
We feel it's important to do this as believe it or not, some of these
bizarre feminist theories are being taken seriously, even in England we now
have a "guilty unless proven innocent" stance on rape, I mean, just imagine,
that could be your son, your brother, anyone. I mean anyone, for if taken to
the conclusion, these proposals would mean ANYONE feeling violated could
sue.
Just imagine, feeling violated as a man and as an individual by real
articles like your spoof one and I could sue your ass!
Imagine how violated a man falsely accused feels! What should the woman get
for that do you think? Life without parole?
Anyway, please check out the site and suggest any improvements, along with a
quotation for a major re-branding and new image.
Thanks a bunch.
Alan Carr
IMN
<chair@international-mens-network.org>
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FROM SHAME TO BURSTING WITH PRIDE IN 7 YEARS
Gidday,
Tonight I have experienced coming from 7 years of Shame after discovering
my Nations disgraceful attitude, Family Law and Social Policies toward Men,
Father's, Families and thus Children, to bursting with pride.
Proud that I am part of a massive effort to turn the tide in New Zealand.
38, and with your help many more unknown to me, Mens / Fathers / Family and
even Grands Groups in little ol NZ.
Possibly the most active country in the world per capita. 1 group for every
100,000 people. Go Kiwi's! Lets grow it to 1 group in 10,000 within 5
years. Please fwd other group names and contact details ASAP for the FATHER
FRIENDLY DATABASE? (FFD?)
Out there to make the future better for our Kids and bring us back to the
strong FAMILY ORIENTATED Nation so many have worked, fought and even died
for. Before the social freaks tinkered with our Law and Social Policies
hell bent on destroying our Families especially the Paternal Family to
promote their own agenda, wealth and careers. They must be made accountable
ASAP. Open the Family Court and Kick out all Anti-Family Law and Social
Policy NOW!
Recorded in bookmarks at (Yes its now open Sorry Len and others)
< http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FamilyOrientatedMen >
I wish to acknowledge the outstanding work by John Potter.
Go--> < http://www.MENZ.org.nz > John has done many many hours to promote
these groups including FOM. Thanks Mate!! Bloody hard worker and an
excellent very loved HandsOnDad. Ask Judith and her brothers.
All FOM E-Groups, Files, Bookmarks and information are available to those
with complete profiles in the FATHER FRIENDLY DATABASE? (FFD?) and who
subscribe to this principal FOM E-group. The principal site is just a
taste.
Go Digest or at worsted No E-mail if you can't handle the quantity of info
that flows through this principal FOM E-Group and www site. Concentrate on
your chosen FOM E-group only if you like, however you will miss much that
is happening because all News goes through the principal group.
* Come Join < http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FamilyOrientatedMen
Yours from
JimBWarrior
JimBWarrior@fom.org.nz
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DEAR ABBY ENDORSES SAFE
From http://www.dearabby.com
March 22, 2002
MEN SUFFERING DOMESTIC ABUSE CAN FIND THE HELP THEY NEED
DEAR ABBY: In the past, you have printed letters from men who have been
physically abused by their wives. We want to thank you for helping to make
the public aware of this aspect of domestic violence. Male victims of
domestic violence face grave difficulties. Chief among them is having few
places to turn for information and help.
One of the first things these men need to know is that they are not alone.
A national survey funded by the Centers for Disease Control found that
nearly 40 percent of all domestic violence victims -- or 835,000 men a year
-- are physically abused by their intimate partners.
SAFE (Stop Abuse for Everyone) has a Web site where male victims (straight
and gay) and lesbian women can share their stories with others. It is www.
safe4all.org. The Web site lists services that are sympathetic to this
underserved population, as well as a number of highly qualified
professionals ready to provide training to law enforcement, health-care
providers, social service, crisis lines, etc. in how to identify, support
and properly refer male victims of domestic violence.
SAFE also provides a brochure for male victims and their concerned family
and friends. It identifies domestic violence, lists typical reactions and
provides specific advice.
Anyone wishing a copy of this brochure should send a self-addressed,
stamped envelope along with a $1 suggested donation to SAFE-Male Victims
Brochure, P.O. Box 951, Tualatin, OR 97062. SAFE is a 501(c)3 charitable
organization and donations are tax-deductible. -- PHILIP COOK, NATIONAL
VICE-CHAIR, SAFE
DEAR PHILIP: Thank you for your important letter. The complex problem of
domestic violence will not be resolved until government, private agencies
and the public become aware that domestic violence is not a gender issue --
but a human one.
My mail tells me that not all law enforcement agencies are sensitive to the
issues concerning female-to-male abuse. I am pleased your organization is
providing training to law enforcement for this ugly, often ignored problem.
----------------------
Jade Rubick, President
Stop Abuse For Everyone
International Executive Board
"Our name is our mission"
http://www.safe4all.org
/=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-= advertisement =-=-=\
This issue of the DesertLight Journal is brought to you by
cyberManbooks
http://www.cyberManbooks.com
\=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-/
The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,
begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing
evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but
you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence,
you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact,
violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for
violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night
already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only
light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
Martin Luther King Jr.
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We leave you with the 'Zonie blessing--"May you always have a full tank of
gas and underwear that doesn't ride up!"
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Trudy W. Schuett
Publisher
http://www.desertlightjournal.com
PO Box 1252 Yuma AZ 85366
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Commentary and contributed articles are not necessarily the opinion of the DesertLight
Journal. We strive to include all views in the emerging men's rights movement, and
therefore cannot be expected to agree with everything.
©2002 TWSchuett
All rights reserved
ISSN: 1538-3857- Library Of Congress, USA
