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The DesertLight Journal
Volume 2, Number 8
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April 17, 2002
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The e-zine of the International Men's Rights Movement. This is the first e-zine intended to focus primarily on the issues of domestic violence against men and divorce/child custody issues. We welcome news of groups, websites, and people in the men's rights movement worldwide. We encourage new writers and commentary.
For all the news all the time, visit our buds
<http://www.mensactivism.org> in the US
<http://www.angryharry.com> in the UK
or Men's News Daily <http://www.mensnewsdaily.com> anywhere.
For book-length works on men, and the issues visit
http://www.cybermanbooks.com
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"A woman needs a man like a fish needs the river."
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One of these days I swear I'm going to pick up the TV book, and there will be DISCOVERY: Trees; HISTORY: the Peloponnesian War Channel; and A&E: The Mime Channel. All of the channels are getting so specialized, and they keep spawning more! Forget the networks, because they all seem to be running the same show with different people, and really, just how many people getting arrested, how many sight gags can you watch without getting tired of it? Lately I find when I'm veggin' out on the couch after a long day, my husband and I end up talking to each other more than watching what's on the tube.
He's been my #1 fan since the beginning, as you'd expect. If I had an e-zine on turtle raising or movies that never made the screen, he'd support me in that, too. It's just the way he is. But he's out there in the world each day, in the front lines, so to speak, so he knows what's going on and why there's a need for the men's movement. His job is to teach and help Marines fix their cars. Sometimes these guys show up at the Auto Hobby Shop as a last resort, because the ex-wife has taken too much and they don't have the money to get their cars fixed any other way. Sometimes they don't have the slightest idea what to fix, or how, but they've heard there's somebody at the AHS who'll steer them in the right direction. These guys aren't idiots. They work on Harriers and other complex aircraft; it's just that automotive mechanics isn't their specialty.
Paul hears their stories, and does his best to help. He also hears the stories of the guys at the auto parts store, and the dozens of other guys he encounters during the course of working in a mostly-male environment. The news hasn't been good, and so he's glad that I'm taking what resources I have and putting them to use in an attempt to do something about it.
So the other night we were talking about workhis work, my work, and somehow the fact that the DLJ has been going for a year now came up. He was amazed. Of course it doesn't seem that long. This time last year I was hearing from people who were all wondering, "When will this ever end?" Some were saying back then that men's rights are just a pipe dream and nobody will ever do anything about it. "It's too big an issue," they said. "Nobody can address all this. Everybody wants to do their own thing and we can't ever get organized."
I always felt they were missing the point somehow. I couldn't quite put it into words, yet I felt there wasn't a need for a monolithic org that tried to be all things for all men. One thing I did know is that men are all different. Even a year ago I was hearing from men all over the world. The New Zealanders approach the same issues differently than the Brits or the Americans, and there's another way for the Canadians or the Australians. There is certainly no lack of creativity anywhere, it's just that there's always going to be a different approach because each of these men have different circumstances and unique characters. And a lot of them aren't going to follow somebody else's orders, either ;>)
I kept saying, "This is only the beginning." I knew that despite the fact that some of the men's orgs are decades old, the main force of the movement hadn't yet been gathered. A few thousand men angry about their divorces aren't enough. A few thousand men angry because the state doesn't realize domestic violence is not a gender issue aren't enough. Society has an odd way of tending to blame the victim no matter how valid the complaint.
I've been online since 1995 and I knew how ideas tend to spread, like the tullies we have growing on the canal out back, or the kudzu in my buddy Jeff's yard in Georgia. Even when you think you've got rid of all of it, it still comes back no matter what you do.
So in addition to coming up with some brilliant, creative ways of addressing the issues, we're starting to get the fathers, brothers, and sons of these angry men on board. Even more encouraging is the number of sisters, mothers, daughters, and yes, even ex-wives who are beginning to speak out and say, "There is something seriously wrong here!"
There are several things at work. One of course is the Internet. Even when it doesn't seem like anybody's talking about the issues, just because the mainstream media hasn't caught wind of an idea, doesn't mean it's not there. The daily total of website hits among all the sites relating to men's issues in one way or another is most likely in the millions by now.
Another is the fact that a lot more people are being affected by these issues than a few thousand angry men. Children want their daddies; and most women really aren't prepared to destroy their husbands just because they don't want to live with them anymore. Grandparents aren't prepared to write off their grandchildren after a divorce, either. And what about the aunts, uncles, and cousins? So when these people go online for clues as to what's happening to them and their families, there it is, in many languages. If they look around a bit, chances are they'll find somebody in their home country that's doing something about this travesty of justice, these violations of human rights. Even if they can't do anything about their own situation, they know they're not alone. Chances are they'll tell somebody else when they get offline.
Yet another is what's happening in the somewhat more obscure issue of domestic violence. As we've all seen by the recent arrest of Tawny Kitaen, attitudes are changing. Every time Glenn or Marc or anybody from the movement appears on radio to talk about DV against men, the show has a tremendous response and we find there are even more men who are willing to speak out. (TV is becoming less engaging and more expensive for consumers all the time, so it's no real surprise that radio is regaining the interest of people who are tired of the same old story, night after night.)
This is one of the worst years in history for private charities and their variety of social programs, as the donations they depend upon are diverted to other causes, as well as the current economic recession for some businesses. In the past, domestic violence programs have depended on bad research and hysterical warnings to attract funding and public support. This cannot continue much longer, because their public service announcements tend to insult half their potential donors. It's an ugly way of doing business. Add to the mix the fact that most of these programs and services don't appear to be helping anyone. Ask any shelter program the number of bona fide 'success stories' they have in relation to the number of women they serve, and you will no doubt get a resounding silence in reply.
The shelters in existence today bear little relation to the original program established by Erin Pizzey in England in the early 70s. Her program encouraged self-reliance and independence, where today's programs foster dependence and victimhood. Even in 1995, when I left the charity system for good, there was talk in the admin offices and boardrooms about how the shelters did little more than serve as revolving-door, 'cooling off' places where women could hang out for a few days or weeks at somebody else's expense before going back to the same circumstances. Corporate donors and even governments will be looking closely at these programs and their results before continuing funding. They are going to be forced to look at the realities, and any program that only addresses a select group, while causing harm to the community at large will ultimately go by the wayside.
Only dynamic, functioning programs can survive in the coming economic shakedown. Programs that are no more than self-perpetuating, that only serve the same group of people over and over again with little or no result are at risk right now. I'm getting bits and pieces of information now on domestic violence programs that are beginning to serve men in a limited way, and not with anger management classes, either. Smart directors are aware the days of 'woman as victim' are drawing to a close.
There is an essential difference between the voices of the 'women's libbers' of the 60s and those of the men's movement today. It is the clear sound of authenticity. Men aren't asking for anybody to 'empower' them, men aren't expecting special privileges as reparation for some mis-perceived, exaggerated inequity. Men are pointing out gross violations of basic human rights that are immediate and undeniable. It is not a movement based on half-truths and foggy notions, rather it is a movement based on unemotional facts which cannot be disputed. Families are being destroyed. Children are being irreversibly damaged. The state has crossed the boundaries of its responsibilities and is straying into territory in which it has no jurisdiction.
Where do I fit in all this? Why do I, a happily married woman, think I can or should have any place in the men's movement? It certainly isn't because I presume to speak for men. No, it's because there is a need to speak to women, and those men who bought the feminist line and thought by going along with it they were doing something positive for the world. These people need to understand that those who styled themselves as feminist leaders years ago, who claimed to speak for women and improve their position in society, were not worthy of the trust bestowed on them. While most of us were raising our children and living our lives, those women in positions of leadership took advantage of our trust and used our faith in them to implement agendas of hate and division. For three decades we have allowed them to mislead us, misdirect our attention to non-issues, and manipulate our emotions. The result has been a social disaster that is just now beginning to be realized. The damage will take years, if not decades to repair.
It appears we have left our babies and our futures in the care of the criminally insane. We must now take whatever steps are necessary to get them back.
Most of you reading this already know that. I don't need to preach to the converted; but it seems appropriate that as we all begin to address a larger audience that I re-state my position. I will continue in my second year with the DLJ to listen to what men are telling me. I will continue to report on new groups and make sure everybody hears about the successes and gains of the established ones. I will continue to get the word out and advance the message wherever and whenever I can. It is simply the right thing to do.
n
Love and Light,
nTrudy W. Schuett
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COMMENTARY FROM THE MEN OF THE WORLD ON THE OCCASION OF THE DLJ'S FIRST ANNIVERSARY
One of the things I really like about working around/with/for men is the absence of crap. They don't sign their e-mails with blessings and hugs while telling you you're an idiot in the extreme. The men I know tend to say what's on their minds, which makes life less complicated for everybody. So awhile back, I went fishing for compliments for this anniversary issue, thinking those who got my request would say what they thought, even if it wasn't entirely complimentary. ;>) I'm a big girl I can handle it!
Because of an e-mail glitch I had to re-issue my request and hope some of these guys had time to respond. Those who had time, did. I have to admit I was very pleased and honored by the immediacy and honesty of their responses. The Heart-Man (the guy holding the big heart on the website) is truly smiling today! Thanks as well to those who couldn't take the time. I know you've got an incredible pressure of things to do, so it's just as good to know that. I've included the responses mostly unedited, because the main editorial intention of the DLJ has been, and will always be, the human touch. Honest expression from real men is vital to the movement, and their words cannot be replaced by any copy editor, anywhere.
I've also included a copy of my very first hate mail. For the very first time you can see the desperate weirdness of a woman who has so much hate she thinks I deserve to die. This woman is a professional writer of romance fiction, and was the first to encourage me to branch out from the letters to penpals and relatives that I was doing in the early 80s. But I keep it around to remind me that not everybody thinks my work is worthwhile, and there are those who honestly believe that feminism has 'established gains' for women and I'm somehow betraying my sex.
Anyway, I'll shut up here and let the guys get in a word edgewise.
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(Richard Hayden was among the first to 'break the pink barrier' on Themestream, with an article on the realities of the domestic violence shelter. Also one of my biggest cheerleaders!)
I enjoy the DLJ because of its honesty and reliability as a reference on men's issues of abuse. I further wish DLJ and its staff another successful year.
Wish you the best with this, Trudy.
nRichard Hayden Abused Guys Yahoo Club
nhttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/abusedguys/
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Trudy, the DLJ has been a breath of fresh air in a seamy time of life. Through financial struggles and illness Pat & I have fought to keep our work with all victims of violence going. The DLJ helped by providing clean and clear pictures of what has been happening in the men's movement.
By including parallel articles with other magazines the DLJ brings to the reader a breadth of experience which is simply not available anywhere else. By passing out the DLJ without charge Trudy does a service to all people.
Journals such as DLJ are an important part of the communication process. They keep us informed of what others do and of new ideas. Trudy's straight forward writing style mixed with a great eye for what is important, creates a journal which is always worth the read.
Thank you Trudy. You are a benefit to all.
Greg Sherk, Director
the Volksgaren Project: Intelligent Abuse Recovery for All.
Suite 143, 24 First Ave., St. Thomas, ON, Canada, N5R 6H8
T: 519-773-9644 F: 519-637-1210
URL: http://clix.to/support/
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I am sorry to say this, but you deserve to know the truth. I get so much e-mail that I can't read it all. I have to skip right over tons of good stuff, including DLJ.
I am very sorry. I know you are a star and are doing terrific work.
I hope this does not discourage you and I hope the other fellows have more to contribute than I.
With sincere best wishes,
Jack Kammer
Author of "If Men Have All the Power, How Come Women Make All the Rules?"
http://www.rulymob.com
http://www.cybermanbooks.com
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I'm sorry you didn't get any responses. For me, I just didn't feel I had
anything profound to say. Guys are kinda like that. They make you feel taken for
granted, even when you are really very important to them.
I like getting the Desert Light because it makes me feel in touch with the
movement and what's going on, but especially in touch with people like you who
care about us and about these issues. It makes me aware of other people and
their efforts, and other resources.
Keith McLeod
Harbinger Press
http://www.harbpress.com
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A year already !?
Whoa! Am I late for an oil change!
;-)
David Byron
http://feminismontrial.tripod.com/
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Hi Trudy,
I guess my reply is directed more toward you then the journal even though it has inspired me to continue the effort to change things. My real inspiration on many an occasion was the author of DLJ "YOU" When I needed a shove to get something done you were there. When the concept of AFTER>2001 came up it was you that inspired many of us that it would work, and we could effect change. You helped guide us over the rough spots and calmed us when it seemed things were going to fall apart. Because of you and your efforts to help we have succeeded and we are starting to draw attention to the problems families face in the Family Court System and how devastating it is when CPS destroys a family for pure profiteering. We are almost a hundred strong and more and more members are becoming active. You deserve a lot of credit for the effort you made when AFTER>2001 was a mere idea, you helped to make it real. I once told you you were an angel and your efforts are reflected in the DLJ.
I am sure you have been an angel for many others also. To You and All who read DLJ, I wish each of you the very best life has to offer. May you continue to succeed in your efforts.
Bud Johnson, President
AFTER>2001
http://www.after2001.net
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Most of us who are actively involved in the fight would have to admit to being somewhat self involved. I am sure I am guilty of this. It is a full time job just keeping myself doing what I know needs to be done. Sometimes it takes more than one of me to make me keep going. So what I am saying is that not only do we need to stay self motivated we also need outside sources to keep us going.
I look for motivation is various places at various times. Sometimes I look at what had happened to my life and I get angry and want to fight back. Sometimes I just think this needs to be done and I have the ability and it is my calling or maybe a nagging of sorts that I must do this. Sometimes I think of all the pain involved in this failed system. I think of the letters I have read from people telling their stories and know that we need to prevent this from continuing. There are actually so many reasons to be motivated to carry on this fight that it is easy to not think about one of the most important ones. The fact that children's lives are being ruined because they are denied the ability to have, and or know their fathers. And that our society is throwing away the concept of family and the rights of father's and children, somehow believing that a single woman has the ability to raise children alone while statistics prove otherwise. Sometimes it seems so horrible as to be surreal, like it was when we watched the WTC towers collapsing. It is also inconceivable is that people actually think that the collapse of those buildings is a bigger tragedy that the collapse of the American Family.
But even with the motivations we each use to keep us going I don't think it would be possible without the help and support of each other. I have found this help and support from Trudy and the Desert Light Journal. I have often asked her advice on things I was writing or had written. And used her experience and knowledge to fill in the gaps I have in my own. I find strength in knowing that she and others in this movement are close by working to bring justice too us all.
Now what was the question again.
Sometimes I just get in these talkative moods.
Now I know if I re-read this and see what it sounds like I probably won't send it.
So here goes.
John Buethe
Mad Men United
http://www.madmenunited.com
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Oh, okay. :-) I like the thing -- I'm enjoying hearing the various
voices, quite different from one another, that are sounding together in
this, um, not "movement", so much, as "awakening".
-- Jeff Gordon
Wellnow Health Information Services
http://www.wellnow.com
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Here is my two cents worth of opinion.
I believe the DLJ has not only affected me personally with its
outspoken views and ability to network but I believe it has also
had an impact on a movement that can still be considered to be in
its infancy. This is a movement that consists of various parts:
men's and fathers' rights, misandry (a word now being used more and
more to signify an irrational, cultural or political hatred of men
and fathers), violence perpetrated upon men by females in a
domestic setting or even in a setting that could be considered
outside domestic relations.
The DLJ has shown this young movement that lack of public knowledge
about the status of males in society can be overcome. It has
shown the movement that the vast majority of females do not condone
the attacks on males made by a small percentage of extremist
females with a definite political agenda and that the vast majority
of women do not approve of the many facets of society that
disparage men.
The DLJ has shown that activism and educational endeavors
frequently go hand in hand and often involve networking with other
organizations and personalities. The DLJ has been a source of
knowledge and a source of inspiration for those who may sometimes
see no justice in the future or become disillusioned with the
gradual pace of accomplishment.
The DLJ provides an arena for the airing of various opinions within
the movement and this includes allowing a forum where a person can
write a guest editorial. It features writers that are well known
and writers beginning their writing journey.
All in all, we are better with the DLJ than without it and I hope
it continues doing what it is doing.
John Hays
IT Manager
AFTER<2001
http://www.after2001.net
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Greetings and Happy Anniversary to Trudy and Desert Light Journal,
Thank you for being "a VOICE in the wilderness" of Journalism. On
behalf of US Citizens Against Paternity Fraud -- we are forever
grateful for your publishing a story about the International Epidemic
of Child Support Fraud.
I enjoyed having you as our guest on the 4Lies & 4TRUTH Talk
Show.
Thank you for being a brave and noble woman that is willing to
tackle the underlying issues that affect men, women and children.
Carnell Smith - Victim, Exec. Director & Founder
US Citizens Against Paternity Fraud (US-CAPF)
Host of "4Lies & 4Truth" Talk Show
Owner of PaternityFRAUD.com
P.O. Box 372632
Decatur, GA 30037-2632
(404) 289-3321
director@paternityfraud.com
http://www.paternityfraud.com
"If the Genes don't fit, you must acquit (tm)"
"Paternity Fraud is a crime, crime pays? (tm)"
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Carnell Smith is a married Christian, paternity fraud victim,
DNA poster boy, non-custodial dad and self-avowed advocate
for legislative reform to help children know their biological
father and restore constitutional rights to fraud victims.
**I am looking for victims and supporters - worldwide!**
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AND FINALLY THE NASTY NOTE
(The following was sent to me after our local paper, The Yuma Daily Sun, printed a profile on me in April of 2001. A few weeks later, I sent a Letter to the Editor protesting the release from prison of an AZ woman who had murdered her husband with much malice and knowledge aforethought, while ignoring the many shelters and services available in her area. A claim of abuse and hearsay evidence was her only defense. This letter is reproduced as it was received, without editing.)
*********
Crash! That's the sound of another friend biting the dust. I read your
assinine, ignorant letter to the editor and that was the end. I've been
trying to ignore your silly ploy to be noticed, but if you were the least
bit famous, you'd take the place of Madeline O'Hare as one of the women
Americans love to hate. And she didn't make out too well in the end.
For centuries women have been victimized by a male-dominated society.
Now, at long last we are coming into our own. Not trying to be better or
stronger than men, but EQUAL. Men who are abused are so in the minortiy
while statistics show that everyday hundreds of women are killed, whole
families are killed by boyfiriends and husbands. Let the shitty little
wimps stand up for themselves, they don't need you to bash women for
them. Shame on you, Trudy and when you come to your senses, I hope you
have the decency and good grace to apologize to us.
*********
[Ed's note: no apology forthcoming. If I would apologize to women at all it would be because it took me so long to discover the truths they need to hear. Actual equality between the sexes would have occurred anyway, without the intervention of the feminist movement.]
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"Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles."
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
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Trudy W. Schuett
Publisher
<http://www.desertlightjournal.homestead.com/>
PO Box 1252 Yuma AZ 85366
This e-zine may be shared or forwarded provided the entire publication is sent.
To subscribe to the DesertLight Journal, send a blank e-mail to dsrtlite@mindspring.com with "subscribe" in the subject line. To unsubscribe, send a blank e-mail with "unsubscribe" in the subject line.
Commentary and contributed articles are not necessarily the opinion of the DesertLight
Journal. We strive to include all views in the emerging men's rights movement, and
therefore cannot be expected to agree with everything. We are not affiliated with, nor do we receive financial support from any group or organization.
©2002 TWSchuett
All rights reserved
ISSN: 1538-3857- Library Of Congress, USA
